Another day...

It seems as though when I am feeling most alone, I turn to this blog for solace. I do not know why this is. Perhaps it is somehow the feeling of anonymity in a world-wide population that makes me feel comfortable sharing my innermost thoughts. Or instead, I create a delusion of importance in my mind and feel that somehow, somewhere, someone is reading this and sympathizing with me. That is ridiculous, of course, because it contradicts the statement of a large population.

I am just struggling with so many contradictions within myself. Cognitive dissonance is when your actual self does not match your ideal self. I am experiencing severe cognitive dissonance. I find myself yearning to learn more than one person could possibly learn in a lifetime, yet I cannot stay awake in lectures to save my life. Where is this contradiction coming from? I sometimes feel as though I do not know myself well enough yet to mark what I have the ability to do or not do. Yet, somehow I think this is a good thing. To know oneself too well could lead to frightening possibilities, like plateauing one's learning curve. I now think that all my posts on here have been negative. I am curious so I will go read them now. If anyone is reading this, I'd like to make the point that I am not always this depressed, it only appears so.

No need for a creative title here

As I read my previous posts, they are a lot less superficial than I had thought. Maybe I haven't changed as much as I think I have. Whoa. Two years and I'm still thinking the same things. It's time for some action.

It's been awhile

I always imagined blogging as something glamorous. I guess that's why I tried so hard to make other people interested in what I was saying. I started out this blog as just a rant, a ramble about my life. Then, I deleted all of those posts because I wanted to achieve some level of fame. I wanted people to know about my blog. I put the address on my Facebook; I changed my writing style. But now I can say, in these two years since I've last posted, I am writing this blog for me. Why? To remember? To forget? To look back? I'm not exactly sure yet. I just like the comfort I have knowing it's there. So if anyone happens to stumble upon this, I apologize for the inconsistencies. I'm sure there will be days that I say my heart has been found or broken, days I just need to complain, and days like this where I am clear minded. I will not know until that day. I suppose the real reason I even started to write this post was to complain about a) not being able to see my grade on my calc exam (still not sure if this is a bad or good thing) b) to share more about my life (I had an amazing internship this summer and I went to Ireland! Exciting! Plus my sister got married) and c) just to feel like someone, or something I suppose this blog is, wants to hear my story. So here it is for today. I've changed.

"....it got colder when we parted..."

Ah, summertime. I'm getting a little tired of waiting on people. I don't want to be the overbearing annoying one, but if i want to talk to someone; I am going to talk to them. And then they don't answer. Okay, time to analyze everything in the last conversation, which by the way the other person started. Oh my, too many thoughts filling a very limited space in my mind. So I start a conversation and apparently it's not the right time or something, because I am getting ignored. Is this a bad thing? Am I the one that is messing this up? Should I even be that worried about this? I'm not going to be. New idea: stop worrying. I wish haha =] I bet everyone does. Since I am in the blogosphere I wanted to address recent events such as the passing of Michael Jackson. I know that he is a great artist, but I do not believe that he was a great man, so everyone needs to relax a little bit. I also realize that his death is a sudden one, and not expected like Farrah's, but she deserves just as much attention as he does. So thats all I have to say right now, except that I will be obsessing over the previous questions until I fall asleep.

The ACT

I feel as if I start all of my posts with "wow i haven't blogged in forever" or something to that effect so I figured I might attempt to change that. I haven't blogged in forever, though. We had to keep a ten page journal for English class, but I think, moving into the modern era, we should have to keep a blog. It would be encouragement to continue expressing our thoughts, but in a less personal manner by being able to keep our thoughts anonymous to most of the world. That was oxymoronic (if that is a word?), personal thoughts shared with the whole world. I understand that no one really reads this or cares, but to me it is just a place where when I am feeling frustrated or overwhelmed with my daily life, that I can change who I am into who I want to be. I can be anything on this blog. I could delete this and make a new one saying that I am the princess of a lost tribe of people in the Inuit area of Canada and have just found the internet. I could be anything. The internet is like a child's blank page of paper; the keyboard like their crayon. It streches the imagination. I feel as if now it sounds like I have a multiple personaliy problem, but who doesn't want to escape their life? I want to almost everyday. That sounds bad too. Wow, I guess I just need to think about how I present things. I wonder if I come off like that in real life. That would be bad. My life isn't bad. I like it a lot and am rather fond of it. I like exploring new places, traveling, if only in my mind. Reading takes me to a different place, and when I read, I allow myself to be swept into that character's world. I am no longer sitting in my backyard, I am a crime fighting female cop on a mission or a child growing up in New York at the turn of the century. I like my title. It has nothing to do with what is in this post, yet it has everything to do with it. It is what is the biggest constant in my mind right now. The ACT, the ultimate test, determining your level of intellegence or excuse me "achivement." I think I'm going to continue that kind of title. My life at this current moment = the ACT. My life at the current moment = everything in this post. I like it. (I really wanted emphasis on the like: i likkkkeee it) haha =p

Exam Week is Over!

So after a few weeks of no posts, I decided it was about time. I got my C&C California shirt I ordered today which makes me very happy, and exams are done so that makes me very very happy. Some people are totally chill when it comes to exams, I am just not one of them. So tonight is the night to just relax and forget about school for awhile.

Recycling in school

Today we had a student council meeting and the topic of a recycling program came up. Did you know that we do not have any recycling at our school right now? Those blue containers mean nothing, because the school board has not approved a program that costs 70 dollars a month. I find this ridiculous. Student Council is making an attempt to change this by talking to Dr. Kuehne and the school board, just a fyi.