Another day...

It seems as though when I am feeling most alone, I turn to this blog for solace. I do not know why this is. Perhaps it is somehow the feeling of anonymity in a world-wide population that makes me feel comfortable sharing my innermost thoughts. Or instead, I create a delusion of importance in my mind and feel that somehow, somewhere, someone is reading this and sympathizing with me. That is ridiculous, of course, because it contradicts the statement of a large population.

I am just struggling with so many contradictions within myself. Cognitive dissonance is when your actual self does not match your ideal self. I am experiencing severe cognitive dissonance. I find myself yearning to learn more than one person could possibly learn in a lifetime, yet I cannot stay awake in lectures to save my life. Where is this contradiction coming from? I sometimes feel as though I do not know myself well enough yet to mark what I have the ability to do or not do. Yet, somehow I think this is a good thing. To know oneself too well could lead to frightening possibilities, like plateauing one's learning curve. I now think that all my posts on here have been negative. I am curious so I will go read them now. If anyone is reading this, I'd like to make the point that I am not always this depressed, it only appears so.

No need for a creative title here

As I read my previous posts, they are a lot less superficial than I had thought. Maybe I haven't changed as much as I think I have. Whoa. Two years and I'm still thinking the same things. It's time for some action.

It's been awhile

I always imagined blogging as something glamorous. I guess that's why I tried so hard to make other people interested in what I was saying. I started out this blog as just a rant, a ramble about my life. Then, I deleted all of those posts because I wanted to achieve some level of fame. I wanted people to know about my blog. I put the address on my Facebook; I changed my writing style. But now I can say, in these two years since I've last posted, I am writing this blog for me. Why? To remember? To forget? To look back? I'm not exactly sure yet. I just like the comfort I have knowing it's there. So if anyone happens to stumble upon this, I apologize for the inconsistencies. I'm sure there will be days that I say my heart has been found or broken, days I just need to complain, and days like this where I am clear minded. I will not know until that day. I suppose the real reason I even started to write this post was to complain about a) not being able to see my grade on my calc exam (still not sure if this is a bad or good thing) b) to share more about my life (I had an amazing internship this summer and I went to Ireland! Exciting! Plus my sister got married) and c) just to feel like someone, or something I suppose this blog is, wants to hear my story. So here it is for today. I've changed.