Another day...

It seems as though when I am feeling most alone, I turn to this blog for solace. I do not know why this is. Perhaps it is somehow the feeling of anonymity in a world-wide population that makes me feel comfortable sharing my innermost thoughts. Or instead, I create a delusion of importance in my mind and feel that somehow, somewhere, someone is reading this and sympathizing with me. That is ridiculous, of course, because it contradicts the statement of a large population.

I am just struggling with so many contradictions within myself. Cognitive dissonance is when your actual self does not match your ideal self. I am experiencing severe cognitive dissonance. I find myself yearning to learn more than one person could possibly learn in a lifetime, yet I cannot stay awake in lectures to save my life. Where is this contradiction coming from? I sometimes feel as though I do not know myself well enough yet to mark what I have the ability to do or not do. Yet, somehow I think this is a good thing. To know oneself too well could lead to frightening possibilities, like plateauing one's learning curve. I now think that all my posts on here have been negative. I am curious so I will go read them now. If anyone is reading this, I'd like to make the point that I am not always this depressed, it only appears so.